Chapter One… In the Beginning

With gender being a hot button topic in America with current events and celebrities, why start writing these thoughts in a public forum?

As a gender non-conforming individual it’s been hard for me to find good resources, information about certain experiences, or just learn how people handle their life generally from non-news sources (yes, I’m counting BuzzFeed as a news sources in this context).  So I wanted to make a blog for myself, like a public diary. And if it helps someone in the long run, that’s great. But it isn’t my main goal. I don’t feel comfortable sharing most of my thoughts related to my gender and gender expression on my personal Facebook, or to even some of my friends. So, this will be a dumping ground for that as well. Sorry…but not sorry. You can choose to read what you want.

Growing up, I didn’t have much connection to the LGBTQ+ community. In fact, it was demonized in Sunday sermons, and people would cry in the pews during revivals if they wanted to confess their sins and turn away from the un-natural lifestyle. It never felt right manipulating people away from love or accepting themselves.  Do people who just want to be treated equal really have an agenda? Religion seemed to tear the practitioners down and rebuild them in what was considered good in others eyes, not God’s. I mean how are we supposed to know every single detail?! Why would a deity who loves all ask you to hate yourself to love him? But I grew up with this being hinted at and shoved down my throat. Thus, even with feeling deviant in my core being, I tried my best to fit the status quo. Until the summer before my first year of college.

My partner came out to me, and in support of them I started attending the Pride Club’s meetings on campus. And that’s the place where I felt the most accepted, validated, and finally learned that the weird experience I had growing up were because I didn’t fit in with the status quo. I was gender non-conforming, a blanket term for not fitting with my given birth gender. So, I did my best to learn more about myself and support both me and my partner.

So where was I going with this? I’m trying to remember.

Well, I don’t remember to completely honest. I could go through and find connections in what I wrote and come up with some grand point, but I’m not going to. I’m tired of trying to seem like I got my stuff together, because I don’t most of the time. To be blunt, my beginning was me trying understand, accept, and navigate things. It is rough at times, but I have the support from friends, school, and my partner. Through it all, I have found my true voice, and I want to use it.

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