Doctors… and their offices

So because I have been trying to get my letter of “certified mental stability” from a therapist for insurance I have been going to my doctors office more often. I also have had a few other health issues crop up, and it just has caused me to slight discomfort every single time I go.

Why? My therapist is nice and respectful. It’s not her. It’s the staff in general.
My doctors office has a post where you can put prefered name in. When I found out about it, I changed it asap and was so happy to be able to called by my prefered name. I mean it was a breath of fresh air with my work place and home life. So here would be another area where who I aam couple be validated. But nope… Even though my doctor has even changed everything on there end, they still use my legal name when I check in, and when I’m called to the back. It’s so jarring. And it seems like they try to be LGBTQ friendly, but they are really not.

I roll my eyes mentally every time. Until this past week.

The way my doctor office works is residence get to practice for I think about 1-2 years, and then become full fledged doctors under the care and supervision of another certified doctor. My old one recently left, so I had to go to another new doctor for another non-surgery health concern. And this new doctor was amazing.

She noticed my prefered name and changed right away. Didn’t slip. And then when she was writing down stuff in my file about my non-surgery health concern she asked my pronouns. And changed the whole thing she had just written into them/them pronouns.

My previous doctor told me there wasn’t a way to change my prefered pronouns in the system because my health care is based off of my anatomy. Part of me makes me wonder if she really understood what I was trying to tell her. But this new doctor assumed I used male, and shifted things to gender neutral after I told her my prefered ones. It was amazing how she treated me like a person instead of an anomaly. She is a breath of fresh air, and I realy really REALLY appreciate it. I will look forward to coming back in next time I need to see her again (besides the whole health bit).

I just wanted to share that happy bit of information. It’s always worth asking people to use your prefered name and pronouns. 🙂

30 Days of Pictures and Pre-surgery Update

It’s been a while since I’ve posted yet again. Mainly because I have been dealing with crazy things recently. Work schedule is weird, interviews, spur of the moment all my plans change, and repetitive early mornings. So, I have now found the time to sit down and work through a few things that I said I would do.

1) 30 days of pictures
With June being Pride month, I thought I’d try the 30 days of picture taking to be my first real attempt at taking my picture every day to better my image of myself, and see if doing so really works.  To be fair, I took pictures maybe 70% of the time. One day I took a ton because Snapchat filters are amazing and funny. Over all, I feel like I have a slightly better sense of what I look like. I also made a point to take a picture on days were I was getting up early or had a crappy day mentally. And I could see it, but I was surprised to also think “Hey,  my eyes look good in that shot.” or ” if I turn my head that way more it seems more androgynous than female.” It was great.
So, would I do this again? Sure.
How would I change it: full body pictures (if I had a full body mirror which I don’t have because my partner broke it), and do it every day. And maybe share them.
What I have learned: I don’t think as negatively about myself as I thought I did. It really has helped me realize that my anxiety messes with my personal perception more than I realized. And that I truly value myself more than based off of looks. Yay… I guess?

2) Pre-operation insurance stuffs
So I have been seeing a therapist every week now. They are trying to figure out how to write a letter to let insurance know I am in a stable place mentally and that I am a good candidate for the surgery. After meeting with her for about 4 times, she asked me directly a few questions regarding my mental stability and personal image. So maybe it will happen soon. After the letter is written it’s all up to insurance.
Which might be changing if I get a job I applied for. And I don’t know if it would cover it. I don’t even know if this state insurance covers it. But if it does and then I  switch… I don’t know how I will feel about it. Because then all this work would have been for nothing. So does this mean I really want it than? Having my chest modified is a big deal. It would help with my mental perception of who I am as a person. I would be more comfortable in my own skin. I don’t know.
What I’m trying to focus on now is positive things. Like getting the letter written soon. And sending it to insurance.

Also, I have had two occurrences the past week that have both scared me shitless and made me super uncomfortable.
First one, thank you brain, was a dream. Like how I had mentioned in my previous post about names and their importance, I was going on vacation with my family and the topic of my prefered came up. I ended up literally yelling at them and storming out to leave and not finish the vacation with them because they wouldn’t respect me with my prefered name. And this came after (in the waking world) hearing my mom use my old name twice in a row like my prefered name didn’t exist on the phone, and didn’t correct herself after I said something. I didn’t think it would hurt as much as it did, and this is how my brain was processing internalized feelings. Last thing I was to do is separate myself from my family, but I don’t want to be feel like I’m worthless and like how my old self (who isn’t me) is being forced upon me. Gah family!!!!
Second one, was with friends I haven’t seen in years. So I forgot how this friend couple worked (dynamic wise) and how one of them was extremely sexual in his focus on conversation and in physical interactions. Instead of a hug, he had me sit on his lap. He made comments about my chest and other rude comments about women, mainly objectifying them. And I realized, then and there, that I am not comfortable with being treated like a woman most of the time. Maybe it’s the distance because of my body dysphoria. Maybe because I haven’t been around a person that directly objectifies women in a while. Maybe because I don’t identify as a cisgendered person anymore that I find that type of conversation and actions inappropriate. Maybe because I was younger, insecure, and easily swayed by others many years ago that that conversation topic and those actions were okay in my mind than but not now. I’m not sure. But my bubble is bigger, and I’m not the same person anymore. I would bring it up to the friend, but I probably won’t see them both for a while, probably another year or two. And if my surgery has happened by then I wonder what they would think then.